One of the criteria that I use when considering a film’s critique rating is whether or not I would enjoy seeing that particular film again. Would I watch it second time? A third? If it showed up on a cable movie channel in eight months, would I stop on it? So after watching “Something Borrowed,” I asked myself these same questions. But before I could get the full sentence out of my head’s mouth, I shouted, “No! You can’t make me! You can’t make me watch it again … ever!”
A little dramatic, yes, but I needed to get a point across to myself.
Based on Emily Giffin’s 2004 bestselling beach-read book, “Something Borrowed” is essentially a pod of unlikable characters who snivel and scratch and whine their way into believing that their selfishness is justified.
First, there is Darcy (Kate Hudson). Darcy is a scene-stealer. A ball hog. The self-assigned center of everyone’s attention. She knows what she wants and she gets it, no matter whose jugular she slits on the way.
Darcy’s best friend for life is Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin). A newly graduated lawyer, Rachel is the quiet wind beneath Darcy’s gigantic, swooping wings. Always in the backdrop with mental pom poms, Rachel is the sort of gal you want to smack across the face to wake her up.
Darcy is soon to be marrying Dex (Colin Egglesfield), the guy Rachel fell in love with during law school. After a short series of events and some alcohol, Dex and Rachel finally figure out that they are meant for each other. But how could they tell Darcy? How could Dex break his fragile mother’s heart by calling off the wedding?
Ethan (John Krasinski) is a bystander friend who gets to go to the Hamptons for several weekends with his wealthy friends who don’t really like him. While director Luke Greenfield perhaps meant for Ethan to be a sympathetic and endearing character, he ended up being pathetic instead. And for good measure, or just plain measure, characters Marcus (Steve Howey) and crazy Claire (Ashley Williams), who was actually the most entertaining of the bunch, were added to the sludge to create a nauseating concoction of “who will end up with who?”
Problem is, no one cares. These characters are so unlikable and so morally materialistic, that they all need a good slap.
Just to be clear, “Something Borrowed” was a waste of time. Is it horrible? Yes. Not because of the plot or topic, but because I just didn’t care what happened to any of them. There was no one to root for. Will anyone like this film? Of course. Mean people, bored people, chick flick fans, and women who are enraptured by soap operas.
n Rated PG-13 for some sexual content including dialogue, and some drug material, and running at 1 hour 43 minutes, “Something Borrowed” needs to be returned with 2 bags of popcorn.