Douglas: A do-not-do-it list on shortening your life

I do not spend an inordinate amount of time contemplating my own mortality, but I am at least minimally conscious most of my waking hours, so I know that I am approaching third base if not rounding it.

I also know that the life expectancy for a man born in this country is 76.1 years, which is 5.0 years fewer than that of a woman. I have a theory on why, but if I shared it my life expectancy might shorten.

Now the good news: I have been blessed with good genes, and have already reached 67 years and 65 days, making my current life expectancy 82.4 years.

I do not know why, but a click-bait article popped up on my Facebook newsfeed titled “15+ things that shorten your life,” and I bit. I figured I would share how I did, and you can take notes on how to extend your life if that is a goal.

Here we go:

— Do not drink enough water: I googled and found that a person my age, height and weight, should drink about 12 cups of water a day. Bad start. I have to step it up.

— Not exercising regularly: I do not have an exercise routine, but I I have a pedometer on my phone, and a goal of 6,000 steps a day, which I always achieve even if it requires a few laps around the pool table right before bed.

— Eating ultra-processed and sugary foods: I do pay attention. I think I have sweet tea once a year, always at the RCC Foundation Golf Tournament that is catered by Smithfield. My weak spot is a morning biscuit, but just once a week.

I prepare most of my meals, with a protein, usually chicken or salmon, garden salad, a veggie high in fiber and on my weak days, a carbohydrate, typically rice or pasta. I rarely snack.

— Smoking: I never did, which is good because most of my bad habits as a youth are now bad habits of an old man. My father told me as a 12-year-old that there were two things I would never do and live in his house. Smoke or ride a motorcycle. I never did either and he died wishing he had made the list longer.

— Ignoring regular medical checkups: I see Dr. Brownie three times a year and leave a bit smarter every time.

— Skipping the SPF: I never use sunscreen because I cannot stand the greasy feel. I do wear a hat on sunny days, which serves a dual purpose, protecting my head and concealing it. If you ever see me playing golf in a long-sleeved dress shirt, you have my permission to shoot me.

— Failing to look after your teeth properly: I am fully aware that oral health is a good indicator of overall health, and I brush twice a day and visit my dentist twice a year; in fact, I have a date with Dr. Karshner in one hour. Update: No cavities.

— Drinking alcohol excessively: Unfortunately, the article did not define “excessively,” so there is not enough information. I will share that I drink less alcohol now than at any point since Aug. 26, 1975, the day I turned 18 and moved into Granville Towers at UNC. I do seem to get a lot of articles on my Facebook newsfeed promoting liver health.

— Failing to manage existing health conditions: My primary health condition is that I have a cow-tissue aortic valve that has a life expectancy of 15 years. I begin year No. 16 with it on Jan. 15. I see my Duke doctor Chad Hughes every 18 months to ensure it keeps on ticking.

— Inconsistent sleep routines: I have a routine, but not sure it is healthy. I go to sleep at about midnight, arise about 6 a.m. and fit in a nap most afternoons when my sleep is REM. Without the nap, I am grumpy.

— Avoiding stress: I have been mostly stress-free since I left my job as editor of this newspaper on March 27, 2020, although I do root for UNC in football.

— Not having a sense of humor: No one has ever accused me of that.

— Being overweight: I knew this one was coming, but I weigh 28 pounds fewer than my peak, and I have weighed basically the same thing for about 10 years.

The list cannot be completed as I just now noticed the “plus” after the 15 and I am near my word limit. Besides some – do not have a pet; driving recklessly; living in clutter; skipping vaccinations; ignoring medical advice – seem either silly, superfluous, or obvious.

If I were to give myself a grade, it would be similar to those I received in college, not high school. Pretty pedestrian.

So, I will waste no more precious time contemplating how much I have.